Sunday, February 25, 2007

And it's all over

Like the Super Bowl every year, the Oscars never live up to the hype. And like the Super Bowl, the Oscars are never as much fun without a friendly wager on it.

And I'll be watching both next year.

Best Picture

Jack Nicholson rules. Even more so than Clint cuz Jack's a Laker fan. Props again to Scorsese for winning best picture. I was 4-for-5 tonight.

Best Director

Finally! Props to Scorsese, who's directed some of my favorite movies of all time: Goodfellas, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The Departed, etc.

Best Actor

Reese, eat something!

Congrats, Forrest Whitaker. I picked Will Smith in the upset, so I'm now 3-for-4

Best Actress

Hey, Judi Dench was nominated, but not for a movie about Queen Elizabeth! What happened?! She needs to fire her agent. She didn't even show up cuz she knew she had no chance.

Helen Mirren wins for Best Actress. I have to admit that she's a good-looking woman, but certainly no Beyonce.

That's 3-for-3, people. I'll be selling my picks for next year soon.

R.I.P.

Always a buzzkill when they show the montage of film industry people who've passed away since the last Academy Awards. I thought Don Knotts would live forever -- luckily, I just ordered the last few seasons of Three's Company to once again enjoy the work of a comic genius.

The Departed

First win for The Departed (Best Adapted Screenplay), my favorite movie of the last year. Go see it now.

Never thought I'd hear this sentence ...

"Please welcome two Academy Award nominees, John Travolta and Queen Latifah."

Dear Academy Awards ...

Please make Beyonce Knowles a permanent fixture of your show. I promise to go see Dreamgirls tomorrow and buy the soundtrack the following day. I'll even pitch in a coupla bucks for a sequel.

Shadows

I like the shadows-of-the-nominated thing they're doing. Something tells me I'd like it more if I was high.

Little Miss Sunshine

Winner of Best Original Screenplay -- well-deserved. If you haven't seen it, go rent it now. You won't be disappointed, which is the total opposite of how you're feeling as you're reading this.

Clint Eastwood Rules

He stumbled a bit in honoring Ennio Morricone, but who cares? Clint rules -- actor, director, and translator.

Where I get my sense of humor from ...

As Jerry Seinfeld's walking out to present, my dad says, "Hey, where's Michael Richards?!"

Best Supporting Actress

That Cate Blanchett sure is pale. She should eat something.

Jennifer Hudson wins Best Supporting Actress. Good acceptance speech, nice job of the director to give us another shot of Beyonce. I love the Oscars.

I'm 2-for-2. I should be in Vegas.

Just like O.J. jokes ...

This never gets old: the winners trying to complete their speeches when the music starts playing. Panic!

Don't you wish we had this in real life? Whenever someone was droning on, we could just summon our orchestra-at-hand and drown them out. I would seriously pay a lot of money for this.

The Internet Age

After Ellen's myspace joke, Gwennyth Paltrow refers to youtube.com while presenting for Best Cinematography. Two of my favorite sites mentioned back-to-back on the Oscars. My geek meter is now in the red. What's next, Helen Mirren mentioning fleshbot.com?

Myspace joke on the Oscars!

Best joke so far -- Ellen getting Steven Spielberg to take a picture of her and Clint Eastwood for "myspace." Classic!

Is it just me or ...

... did Cameron Diaz reach her hotness peak about five years ago?

Leo and Al

Okay, that made me laugh. Always love the ol' "start the music during the speech" routine.

This Is Why I Love The Oscars

Best Supporting Actor

The second I saw Jackie Earle Haley, I thought, "He's still alive?!" Nice to see the former child actor here and not on E!'s True Hollywood Story.

Congrats, Alan Arkin. For those keeping score at home, I'm 1-for-1.

Elements & Motion

That was cool, with the people making the ... wait, they just cut to a shot of Beyonce. What were we talking about again?

Commercial Time

While this year's Super Bowl commercials weren't as funny or entertaining as they've been in past years, the commercials so far during the Oscars have been lame. Maybe it's because every other one isn't for a beer or Viagra.

Another movie I forgot to watch

Letters From Iwo Jima. That little clip just made me sit up and say, "Dammit, why didn't I see that while it was out?" Just like Million Dollar Baby a few years ago. Maybe Clint's gonna deny Scorsese again.

We All Knew ...

Pans Labyrinth was a lock for best make-up.

Someone wake me up soon.

Anytime Jack Black Is On Screen

I laugh. Even at the Oscars. Thanks, Jables.

Time to Get Another Beer

The first category to be awarded is art direction or something. It won't be the last category I don't care about.

Ellen

For my money, Chris Rock was the funniest host ever because he wasn't afraid to talk sh*t about people. Ellen's not bad -- gotta love her sticking it to Al Gore. And how classic was the should-we-stand-or-should-we-sit moment during that brief gospel number? It's all about those awkward moments at the Oscars. That's why I watch.

Rappers Delight

Gotta love seeing Will Smith and Marky Mark nominated for Oscars. One day Snoop will be there.

Opening Montage

zzzzzzzzz

Pre-Game Comments

Like the players involved in the Super Bowl, all of the nominees offer absolutely nothing insightful or memorable. And just like the Super Bowl, all of this worthless chatter is somewhat tolerable after a dozen or so beers. Time to crack open a cold one.

My Picks

Quick thoughts on my Oscar-winning picks:

I saw two of the five films nominated and loved both of them: The Departed and Little Miss Sunshine. I'm going with the odds-on favorite The Departed. Martin Scorsese rules. By the way, am I the only one who had no idea that a film called Babel existed?

The Pursuit of Happyness was a good film, but Will Smith was absolutely amazing in it. When did he transform from the Fresh Prince to the Next Denzel Washington? (It'll probably go to Forrest Whitaker and I'm okay with that, since he should've won for Fast Times at Ridgemont High)

Best Actress: Helen Mirren in The Queen. She's British, it's a film about Queen Elizabeth -- sounds like a winner to me. Substitute "Judi Dench" for "Helen Mirren" and you'll see what I mean.

Alan Arkin was friggin' hilarious in Little Miss Sunshine. He's a solid actor -- sorta reminds me of Gene Hackman in the sense that whether or not the movie is good, he'll always deliver a good performance. I'm rooting for Eddie Murphy, of course, but Arkin's a lock.

It seems like Jennifer Hudson should walk away with the statue. Luckily she didn't wear tonight's dress in the movie.

I'm Hungry

Seriously, can any more of these actresses and hostesses be any more skinny? Eat something or tell someone to get Queen Latifah back on camera before I become anorexic from watching all of these waifs strut around in Oscar de la Renta.

My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

Just Like the Rest of Them

Obviously, I didn't get a chance to see all of the movies nominated so my picks are based on a mix of what I've seen and what everyone else is talking about. In other words, I'm just like any of the Oscar voters.

* Nicole Kidman was just interviewed on the red carpet. That thing on the shoulder of her dress reminds me of something on Star Trek.

* Mom just said Jennifer Hudson's dress was "Dracula-style." Maybe she should be writing a blog.

The Odds

I'm really bummed I couldn't get the annual Oscar pool together this year (which would've been won by either Erin or Cindy anyways). I'm tempted to place some money at bodog.com, where they have the odds listed for the major categories (my picks in bold):

Best Film:

Babel 4/3
The Departed 1/6
Letters from Iwo Jima 9/1
Little Miss Sunshine 1/1
The Queen 20/1

Best Actor:

Leonardo DiCaprio (Blood Diamond) 8/1
Ryan Gosling (Half Nelson) 19/1
Peter O'Toole (Venus) 6/1
Will Smith (The Pursuit of Happiness) 5/1
Forest Whitaker (The Last King of Scotland) 1/11

Best Actress:

Penélope Cruz (Volver) 23/1
Judi Dench (Notes on a Scandal) 25/1
Helen Mirren (The Queen) 1/30
Meryl Streep (The Devil Wears Prada) 16/1
Kate Winslet (Little Children) 8/1

Best Supporting Actor:

Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine) 4/3
Jackie Earle Haley (Little Children) 15/1
Djimon Hounsou (Blood Diamond) 4/1
Eddie Murphy (Dreamgirls) 1/2
Mark Wahlberg (The Departed) 4/1

Best Supporting Actress:

Adriana Barraza (Babel) 19/1
Cate Blanchett (Notes on a Scandal) 11/1
Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine) 3/2
Jennifer Hudson (Dreamgirls) 1/8
Rinko Kikuchi (Babel) 12/1

Eddie!

I hope Eddie Murphy wins the best supporting actor and during his speech he says, "O-tay!" His date is super hot. I love the Oscars.

The Red Carpet

I've been watching the Oscars all my life and not once have I seen an actor wear a blue tuxedo with ruffles. Gotta admit, the standard tux looks pretty sharp, but it gets old after you've seen hundreds of them on the red carpet. At least the women take chances.

Live From The Oscars

Well, not exactly. I'm kicking it at home, watching the pre-Academy Awards show while playing online $5 online poker tournaments. For those of you joining me from myspace, hello again! And for those of you who've stumbled onto this site, welcome and enjoy smart-ass comments as the Oscars roll by. It's a tradition of mine to talk trash during the telecast, but this is the first time I've done it via cyberspace.

Basically, this is what a divorced 37-year-old who lives at home with his parents does during the Academy Awards. Enjoy.